Livin' On Land/transcript

This is the transcript for the fake episode Livin' On Land.

* SpongeBob rips off the calendar to show it's a Monday*

SpongeBob: Another day at the Krusty Krab, Gary!

* Montage of SpongeBob walking to work, flipping patties, making burgers, cleaning the floor, and ripping the calendar to show the next day. This gets faster each day and SpongeBob gets more tired as each day goes by. This happens until Saturday*

SpongeBob: Hi Gary. The week's finally over. It'll be my day off tomorrow

Gary: Meow

SpongeBob: I think I'll visit Sandy. Huh. She has it real easy. She gets paid to sit in a dome all day.

* Bubble transition to Sandy's*

Sandy: Hi SpongeBob. You look exhausted!

SpongeBob: I am. Don't get me wrong, Sandy, I love my job at the Krusty Krab, but I could really do with a break. You have it so easy.

Sandy: What?! You know, I actually have to invent stuff down here!

SpongeBob: I thought you liked inventing stuff!

Sandy: I thought you liked being a fry cook!

SpongeBob: Well, yeah, um, I... I do... but I, uh, um, I...

Sandy: And I have to provide a weekly report on sea critters!

SpongeBob: But...

Sandy: And there's tons of maintenance I have to do! There's a leak every other day and I have to mess about with oxygen supplies as well!

SpongeBob: Alright, if you have it so hard, why don't you try being a fry cook like me for a week?

Sandy: OK, but you have to live on the surface for a week as well! And give me back a report on land critters and invent me something that's actually useful!

SpongeBob: Deal!

* Bubble transition to Bikini Atoll. Sandy has set up a dome full of water on the island and SpongeBob is lying in it*

SpongeBob: I think I'll start work later. For now, it's a couple of hours soaking up the sun

* A tiny chip of glass breaks off the top of the dome*

SpongeBob: Huh? *Notices the leak* Ahh! Leak! Leak! I've got to fix it as soon as possible or we're all doomed! *Cut to outside the dome, where we see water leaking out the crack very very slowly* Help!!! *Runs out the dome creating a large hole in the side. All the water escapes through this hole* Darn it! I wonder how Sandy's doing at the Krusty Krab...

* Bubble transition to Krusty Krab. Sandy is reading the secret formula*

Sandy: Hm, it looks like the secret formula is...

* Cut to outside the Krusty Krab. Plankton is listening through a window*

Plankton: Yes, yeees, yeeeees...

Mr Krabs: Sandy!

Plankton: Sand? I've searched so hard for the formula all this time and it's literally been all around me? Well, I ain't complaining! Time to make me some krabby patties!

* Cut back to Krusty Krab kitchen*

Mr Krabs: What are you doing here? And where's SpongeBob?

Sandy: SpongeBob has decided to switch lives with me for a week!

Mr Krabs: Well, OK... but you'd better do as good a job as SpongeBob did or I ain't paying you nothing!

Sandy: And how much will you pay me if I do do a good job?

Mr Krabs: Nothing

* Bubble transition to later*

Sandy: There! I've created a krabby patty! I'd better serve it to the customer!

* Sandy delivers the burger to Incidental 70*

Sandy: Here's your burger!

Incidental 70: Thanks! *Lifts burger to his mouth, but it disappears* Hey, where'd it go?

Sandy: My latest invention! It automatically teleports the burger into your stomach as it goes near your mouth, allowing you to eat your krabby patty without having to chew! Best of all, I can now eat krabby patty without taking of my air helmet!

Mr Krabs: Sandy! Is this how we treat our customers? Keep this inventing business out of your fry cooking!

Sandy: Sorry Mr Krabs!

French Narrator: Day Two

Sandy: There! I've made another krabby patty!

Plankton: *Tears off his costume of a ketchup bottle* Surprise! Guess who's come to steal the formula!

Sandy: Well, if it ain't that li'l critter who stole my fur that one time. SpongeBob warned me about you... and I'm actually kinda glad I'm gonna get some excitement outta this job! It's been kinda dull so far...

Plankton: That's right! Prepare to lose the secret formula! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha...

* A jar of mayonnaise falls on him*

Plankton: Ow! First I'm told lies about krabby patties containing sand, and now this...

Sandy: Well... that was certainly easy... I wonder how SpongeBob is getting on?

* Bubble transition to SpongeBob's dome*

SpongeBob: Well, I wasted all of yesterday fixing that darn leak and refilling the dome... I guess I need to get on with inventions now...

* Shows montage of SpongeBob hammering, screwing together, and welding his new invention*

SpongeBob: Yes! I've done it!

* Shows that his new invention is, in fact, a krabby patty*

SpongeBob: Oops, I guess I had my old job on the brain when I created this invention. Ah well, no sense in wasting it *Eats it* The only problem is, I need a real invention...

* Another montage of SpongeBob inventing*

SpongeBob: A good invention! The super sponge! It can soak up water at an amazing rate...

* The sponge soaks up all the water in the dome*

SpongeBob: Oops. Well, I still have my water helmet

* The water in the water helmet floats into the sponge*

SpongeBob: Huh? How is that possible? Also... Help! I'm out of water!

* Runs into a nearby river*

SpongeBob: Phew! That was close! Now I need to refill the dome again... hopefully tomorrow will be better

French Narrator: Day three

SpongeBob: My inventions haven't gone so well so far... maybe I'll do my report on land creatures instead!

* Walks up to live-action squirrel*

SpongeBob: Hi there, I'm... hey, you look just like Sandy!

Squirrel: *Makes squirrel noise*

SpongeBob: *Writes stuff down on his clipboard* Mm-hmm

* The squirrel attacks SpongeBob and tears a hole in his body so that his face lands on the other side of his body*

SpongeBob: Ow. *Writes down some notes* I'm gonna really have to put up with a lot for the rest of the week...

Sandy: I'm gonna really have to put up with a lot for the rest of the week...

* Shows montage of Sandy and SpongeBob doing their respective jobs. SpongeBob creates a robot, but it runs through the side of his dome and creates a leak. Sandy is chopping pickle slices, but her knife rips her suit and she has to run to her dome. SpongeBob tries to interview another squirrel, but it eats him, leaving only two of his arms, which write down some notes on a clipboard. Sandy tries to make a krabby patty with karate, but it completely fails. SpongeBob invents a freeze ray, but it backfires and turns him into a live-action ice cube*

SpongeBob and Sandy at the same time: Phew! I'll be glad to get back to my old job now!

* Bubble transition to Bikini Bottom*

SpongeBob: You were right, Sandy. Your job is very hard

Sandy: So is yours! So how did you get on with that invention and report?

SpongeBob: I didn't manage to invent anything useful, and here's my report

Sandy: *Looks at report, which just says "Squirrels are mean"* Grrrr...

SpongeBob: Huh? What's wrong?

* Sandy chases SpongeBob away, as the episode ends*